Full Circle Moment

This evening as I was driving back home from teaching via 385, I had a moment that hit me so hard I could barely stay on the road. That's an exaggeration, I want you to know. I shouldn't exaggerate because in fact, on this very stretch of 385, I once had an awful accident in which I very nearly managed to get myself as well as several other people killed, but that is neither here nor there.

I was enjoying my commute as it is really one of the only quiet times in my life in which I can choose to chat with friends, chat with God, listen to music, or actually be quiet. So tonight, I decided to listen to some tunes and I grabbed a CD from a stack of loose CDs (neat freaks go ahead and gasp) and popped it in. It was a live recording of the Indigo Girls.

I know that I am not alone in stating that the Indigo Girls are very much a part of my make up as any strand of DNA that is within me. I don't care how long it has been since I've heard one of their songs, the moment the first few chords are strummed, I am immediately transported to memories of cassette tapes, tour t-shirts, Lilith Fair concerts, and young womanhood. There are some songs in particular that leave a mark, an imprint, a brand onto one's heart. These songs have a life all their own. Cheesy, real cheesy, but that is that.

This is one such song that I remember learning in high school. I remember in fact, driving 385 listening to it turned up as loud as it would go and I was singing to the top of my lungs. It meant so much to me then, and today as I heard it, loud as ever, I had a moment. Oprah would call it a full circle moment, in which the woman I have become connected with the girl I used to be and it was bittersweet. There were dreams that I had once had that didn't come true and there are things that have come to pass that I could have never dreamed. Since 17 I have made mistakes - big ones, and I have had triumphs, also big. I have traveled, I have seen, I have loved, I have grieved, I have learned, and I have loved some more. Life is amazing. And the coolest thing of all is that the meaning of timeless songs like this one, keep changing as your life progresses, as perspective changes as stages shift and give way to the next chapter. Enjoy.

Love's Recovery - Emily Saliers

During the time of which I speak it was hard to turn the other cheek
To the blows of insecurity
Feeding the cancer of my intellect the blood of love soon neglected
Lay dying in the strength of its impurity
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
They've all gone and left each other in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love's recovery.

There I am in younger days, star gazing,
Painting picture perfect maps of how my life and love would be
Not counting the unmarked paths of misdirection
My compass, faith in love's perfection
I missed ten million miles of road I should have seen
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
Left each other one by one in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love's recovery.

Rain soaked and voice choked like silent screaming in a dream
I search for our absolute distinction
Not content to bow and bend
To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures
Eating us away, eating us away
Eating us away to our extinction

Oh how I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me
I'd still have two of the same to live
But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal, as specks of dust we're universal
To let this love survive would be the greatest gift we could give
Tell all the friends who think they're so together
That these are ghosts and mirages, these thoughts of fairer weather
Though it's storming out I feel safe within the arms of love's discovery

Here's a performance with Sarah McLachlan, enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fTeMi4nqlY&feature=related