I'm good enough...I'm smart enough... and doggone it...

It is true, in my opinion, that a large number of people in the classical singer world have sizable egos, larger than average opinions of themselves and are prone to neurotic and narcissistic personalities. I am not at all excluding myself from this lot. There are, of course, those who are more the level headed, down to earth type, but in my experience, these people are rare and since they are in the minority one doesn't immediately bring to mind these types when conjuring up images of opera/classical singers. Of course, if we are going to stereotype the image of an opera singer, we may as well go ahead and picture a soprano breaking a glass with her high notes, brass armor and cone shaped bras, diva moments and large bodies to go along with the egos. And no, that's not a picture of me.

And scene.

Since my return to the civilian life almost 8 years ago, I have had plenty of time to reflect on that other life and the type of personality traits it requires and have thought of myself as somewhat separated from all of that drama and nonsense of ego and diva moments, although my husband would definitely disagree with that assessment. However, as I have entered into a new world entirely, that of a stay at home mom of two, I realize that I shouldn't let go of that person (as if I could) and that ego may be my best friend!

After Tom and I were married, I moved within a variety of fulfilling jobs such as maintaing my own voice studio, and working at my alma mater recruiting music students. The thing I miss the most about working a full time job is not the daily conversation with adults, the dressing in nice clothes, the getting to go to the bathroom BY MYSELF (although that is highly underated), or even the pay. What I miss most is that daily affirmation that I took so completely for granted. After I finished an assignment or a student's recital, I would receive comment after comment of "Good job" or "Well done". Even complaints and criticism within the working world are handled while dishing out a mild dose of compliments such as, "I can see that you are working very hard, but this other item needs more of your attention".

I just didn't know how to appreciate all that validation! Oh, how times have changed. Now, my conversations with adults during the hours of 9-5 that are outside the realm of this"stay at home mom" talking to other "stay at home moms" (and I would be sticking my head in an oven if it weren't for ALL of the moms that I call friends, let me tell you) happen only by happenstance at the supermarket, doctors office, or car pool lane at the preschool and those conversations total about 3 minutes a day if I've even had a chance to get out of the house which is certainly not a guarantee.

My point, and I do have one, I promise, is that a good hearty ego is not a thing to be ashamed of. In fact it may be the very thing needed for survival after a day of being completely ignored by a three and a half year old when I tell her to come back to the table and finish dinner, or to pick up her toys before nap, or if I ask her what book her highness would like me to read. Or let's say I'm not even giving orders, but I have done all I can do to get through the smattering of necessary chores and making sure she has the lunch she wants and the show she wants and for goodness sake the blanket she wants and then after all that, she gives me a whiney "but I wanted apple juice not milk". What is it that picks my weary soul up of the floor? Energy? nope. A good attitude? nope. An awareness that I am an insanely lucky woman who gets to do this every single day? Sometimes, but getting to my point...nope. It's ego, people! Short and sweet. It's knowing that I will not be broken by this 3 foot cranky person who shouts directions at me like the most hateful of stage directors. I've taken orders from taller and crankier people and I've come through it unscathed. Insane, but unscathed.

I know this was one of those ramblings that I sometimes warn about but the truth is that it's my blog and I'll ramble if I want to. There goes that ego again.

PS - Please know that I say all of this in jest and it is only after a completely horrific day of being torn down and having my will utterly flattened that I write these silly things. I'm really not all that full of myself. I do in fact understand that humility wins over egotism, blah, blah, blah.

Now for a little laughter and a daily affirmation... Eat your heart out, Stuart Smalley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg&feature=related