About a year and a half ago I was laying on a table getting a wonderful massage by a great friend and massage therapist, Catherine Hackett. She and I always have great conversations and as we were chatting about life, she mentioned an author named Pema Chodron and that I might want to check her out. Well, as usual, she was right. Cathy is sort of my spiritual guru...I'm not kidding, I've learned so much from her. It just so happened that I was at a place in my life where I was feeling stuck. I knew that I was approaching life in the same old way that kept me frustrated, numb and disconnected not to mention angry, anxious and bitter but I didn't know how to change that pattern. Sounds like the life of the party, huh? The truth is that if you were to hang out with me in a purely social setting, I would have seemed easy going, happy and fulfilled, but those who were closest to me such as my husband and children, knew that I was a ticking time bomb. I was always so hard on myself, having unreal expectations and judging myself harshly based on what I thought I should be doing, not on how I was actually doing. I mean, think about it, if you are living based in the context of should, that means that you aren't right now but that you wish to attain that status where the should lies. (Hang in there people) So if I judge myself on what I think should be, then I will never get there. Whew!
So, I started reading this book called appropriately "Start Where You Are" by Pema Chodron. She is an American Buddhist nun and a meditation master. Now I know that there will be some people who read this and think, "But Candace, you are a Christian, not a Buddhist". You are correct. I have grown up in the Christian church and have been a Christian for most of that time. Sure there were plenty of moments in my life where I questioned the principles of the church, not Christianity, but this thing called church. (Luckily I have found a church that I love.) I have found the past ten years or so that there is so much to be learned from all religions and that sometimes it's nice and can actually be life-changing to hear things through a different voice. I have grown up hearing and reading the Bible, but it's really eye opening when you hear things that really are of the same nature but said in a context of another religion's view. It's kind of like as a teacher when you keep telling a student the same changes he or she ought to make, and then in comes a guest teacher and says the same thing only in a different way and BOOM, the student gets it. OK, back to the point.
In this book, Pema frames her teachings around 59 slogans. Some of these slogans are really hard for me to understand and really go beyond the idea of "Don't Worry, Be Happy". I have to work to grasp much less apply what is being said. But through all of them, what I started to find is that working on ourselves is vital to overall well-being. It's not the kind of "self help" that asks you to go into your past and find the things that hurt you and blame your current situation on other people or your past. On the contrary, it teaches you to take responsibility for YOUR OWN life and just "Start Where You Are!" Everything that you have endured throughout your life has made up who you are today. It doesn't make sense to wait until you have your life all figured out before you can be happy, you can start being happy right now. You have everything you need RIGHT NOW. Pretty cool, huh?
Anyway, the other day, my husband said to me that he can really see a difference in me. That this work I have been doing about "letting go" and acceptance toward things that are "messy" (including my house, folks) has changed me. Wow! I guess it's true. I still have my periods of being in a "funk" but now I feel like I actually have tools to feel where I am and not try so hard to run away from the discomfort of life, but to learn from it. I mess up...a lot. And I'm going to continue to mess up. I still get angry. I still judge myself more than I should, but I also have more forgiveness in my heart for myself. And let me tell you one thing. I also have more compassion for my family as a result.
I will never be a spiritual guru (shocker), but I feel more comfortable in my skin than ever before and that has led me to other avenues of change which I will certainly blog about in the coming days. For now, here's a little Pema quote to chew on..."We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. [that one is a hard one] All these trips that we lay on ourselves -- the heavy-duty fearing that we are bad and hoping that we're good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds --never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake". Mull it over, and tell me what you think.
Before I check out, here's a Melaina quote:
We are sitting at the dinner table last night and I tell her that she needs to eat 3 pieces of chicken, 2 bites of rice and 2 bites of kale before she's done with dinner. Her answer to me?
"I don't want to grow"
How's that for a pre-emptive strike on my usual "it will make you grow big and strong". She knows me and that is a little scary.
No comments:
Post a Comment